Not a lot of people know this, but being the Mayor of Richardson is actually a pretty dangerous job. In any given year up to a dozen assassination attempts are made on our Mayor. Crazy, I know! Steve Mitchell once told me that as soon as he was elected, the first thing he did was have bullet proof windows installed on his car. AND, don't tell him I told you this, but he's actually only 120lbs., soaking wet, he just looks bigger because of the bullet proof bodysuit he wears around town.
That being said, I have to share some TOP SECRET insider information with you all. In true Saddam Hussien fashion, Gary Slagel, our newly-re-re-re-appointed-to-the-sloppy-ninths-degree Mayor, has decided to hire a body double to make his personal appearances around town. *GASP* Don't believe me? Below is the photographic proof. A picture taken of none other than *drum roll* our very own *faster drum roll* TOM BACHE-WIIG, or as he's now known-Second Slag, from just this morning....
Tom asked me not to put his name. And the word rapist glasses in the same sentence, so I must honor his wishes. But seriously, how the Slag convinced T.Wiig to wear those. Rapist glasses, we'll never know. Seriously, 8 rapist eyes is more than this town can handle, fellas. Please Slag, stop by Lens Crafters next time you're out looking for your little, lost dog, and ask the pretty, young sales girl behind the counter if you can trade some of the candy you have over in your car for an updated pair of specs, and if she says no...who am I kidding, you'll know what to do next...just tell her that her mother's been in a horrible accident and you must take her to the emergency room immediately, and then while she's waiting in your van, snag a pair of Kenneth Cole's, k?