Tuesday, December 22, 2009

What's wrong with lawyer jokes? Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

Watching the video of Pete Smith at last night's work session was....uncomfortable. So to lighten the mood, I will dedicate today's blog to some of my favorite lawyer jokes!

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.

How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, and then on the other.

Ignorance of the law excuses no man - from practicing it. - Adison Mizner

There are two kinds of lawyers: those who know the law and those who know the judge.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

Isn't it a shame how 99% of the lawyers give the whole profession a bad name. (I threw this one in for you Schnurr)

and my favorite...

A lawyers walks into a work session and says "I can see that I'm not on everybody's Christmas card list but that's ok. We lawyers are thick skinned and use to being blamed and taking the blame for controversial issues...." ba-da-chhhhhhh

*even Keff seemed a bit annoyed by that one*


  1. It is a bit arrogant to say that this is a controversial issue. And no, I did not send good ol' Pete a Christmas card.
    The charter said ALL meetings will be open to the public. Period. So that is not the way the council and staff wanted to operate so they conspired to change the charter.
    Good ol' Pete is the one who met with staff on the changes and presented it to the council. And the council was in a hurry to get back to what they were previously doing.

    Do we blame Pete Smith for that?

  2. The 40 year old lawyer complains to St. Peter, saying he's too young to die. St. Peter replies, not according to your billing log.

  3. Peter (appropriate name for this guy) made the same inane comment about the "municipal building", as if to suggest the place where the Council has been meeting is not the central location where matters of city business are managed. He pretended (as he often does) that the Charter was vague in what the municipal building was, and that meant any city building would qualify.

    That's the same lame excuse Dennis Stewart gave in the lead up to the (rigged) Charter change election.

    What Peter didn't say was that the ONLY place the Council could meet was in the municipal building (before the change).

    No municipal building, no Council meetings. At some point in time during the construction of the current City Hall, everybody decided 411 W Arapaho would be where the Council would meet. By default and common practice, 411 W Arapaho was understood to be that "municipal building" where the Council would meet. Case closed.

    This is a prime example of the kind of legal advice our poor, ignorant Council has been getting. The reason it has been poor is because it has also been cheap.

  4. Why did the dog lick his ass after biting a lawyer?

    To get the taste out of his mouth.

  5. Mary had a little lamb,
    She tied it to the heater.
    Every time it turned around,
    It burnt its little (insert city lawyer name here)

  6. @ anaoymous 5:20 pm:

    If you insert my name, it reads ...
    "It burnt its little Jimmy."


    Jimmy Schnnurr