Obviously people are just upset because they realize what a phenomenal ability our board has for recommendations. And you know what? We don't blame the residents one bit for being up in arms. You guys are completely right! How dare we greedily confine all of our wonderful opinions just to these local city elections when obviously what the people want, no, dare I say need, is more of our brilliant recommendations! After all, how can we expect you to get out of bed in the morning and live a full and productive life if we have not yet told you that the blue tie is obviously the clear choice here. 'Blue Tie, receiver of the RC stamp of recommendation.'
And because we understand that you, the poor, average, Richardson resident, must above all other things eat at least 3 to 4 times a day, what better place to begin our projectile opinionating than at some of our city's fine, local eateries? And after all, everyone likes food, so this can't possibly offend anyone, right?
This month we will focus our recommendation solely on the flourishing 'Indistani' fare that Richardson has to offer. So, let's begin...
Afrah on Beltline, just East of 75: After having not 2, but 3 serving of Afrah's famous Beef Shawarma, which in hindsight might not have been the best idea, the other board members and I had massive bouts of diarrhea that looked more like gravy watered down with curdled milk and was precisely 105.2 degrees fahrenheit. Our gas smelled like nothing any of us had ever smelled before- not strongly pungent, but a weird kind of smell ('kind of like turmeric' a few members added). After a lot of debate and discussion Afrah has received the Coalition's 'NOT recommended' vote, due to it's lack of membership in the Richardson Chamber of Commerce.
Mumtaz on West Campbell Road: How can you go wrong with Shepherd's pie? This wonderful beef dish was obviously prepared with some of the finest and fleshes herbs around, so the Coalition in no way holds Mumtaz responsible for what happened in the parking lot after our meal. However, it should be noted that if you are not a fan of cream of mushroom soup going down you will certainly have too refined a pallet for it when it is coming up as well. Seriously folks, old 'up Chuck' didn't get his nickname by accident. You would have thought he'd been housing a pet tape worm in his upper intestine for the past decade and that the fat bloated little monster finally got sick and tired of the country club life and broke free all over the side of his Lexus. No kidding, the vomit just kept cascading down his windows in thick, creamy sheets. A few parking lot patrons, concerned by the velocity with which the bile was exiting Chuck's frail ginger frame, retrieved their cell phones as Chuck's vomit ricochetting off his car door, even acted as though they were going to call for help until they realized who this real life Linda Blair was. After a not-quite-unanimous vote, the Coalition has decided that Mumtaz will receive our smiley face of "Recommended" approval, while the Shepherd's Pie gets a "not NOT recommended, but not RECOMMENDED either," and finally, for the unhelpful douchebag's in the parking lot who made us pay for their dry cleaning, we UNANIMOUSLY decided you deserve a "NOT recommended" frowny face. jerks.
And lastly, after hearing from our dear friend and member, Mrs.Martha Ritter**, who after years of being told to pull a something out of her somewhere was able to forgo a dreaded upcoming trip to the gastroenterologist simply by sampling Ali Baba's curd rice dish, we at the Coalition just had to try their acclaimed cuisine! Some might say, 'Oh, c'mon! You're just bunch of old, white, culinarily sheltered sissies! There's no way your bowels will be able to handle anything on Ali Baba's menu!' And to you sir, I would say, 'yes, two weeks ago that might have been true, but now my good friend, after lining my upper and lower GI tract with more curry than you can shake a tawa at, I am up for any Indistani challenge!' And so, the first course arrives. Our board began with an order of Kanchipuram Idly, and even with the recent nut aversion most of us had suffered after our 'blow out' (pun intended) at Afrah, I must say, we all enjoyed this dish immensely! I did, however, hear a faint gurgling from across the room and as I looked up to see where it was coming from I noticed both Ken and John unbuckling their belts and squirming uncomfortably in their seats. Not long after Ken took an 'Urgent Phone Call' in the bathroom, and John was forced to change his slacks after 'accidentally' soiling them with some clumsily handled hummus. Luckily, after our last dinner Charles had gotten in the habit of keeping a spare change of clothes in his freshly detailed car, which he was able to lend
*maybe not totally the Coalition so much.
**oh, did I say Marth Ritter? I meant NOT Martha Ritter, whoops.