Thursday, March 31, 2011

CHNA Meeting

First of all let me just say, if Barry Hand and Diana Clawson went on the road together they could give Charlie Sheen a run for his money. Between her eating "iron nails for breakfast" and his imploring the neighbors to "drink from the water hose of knowledge" they'd have a pretty awesome act. Do they teach these bizarre colloquialism at an annual HOA prez get together or something? If they do, I want in on it.

Ok, so tonight I learned a bunch about my neighborhood, namely that it's not "smart" for me to leave my garage door "open" when I'm not "there." However, after returning home twice today to my back door wide open, I had kinda figured as much, but I digress.

After a presentation by Chief Spivey, the candidates had 60 seconds each to address the audience, at which point I started really focusing on their flaws (as I do with all people when I'm bored and forced to stare at them for prolonged amounts of time) and this is what I came up with...

William Gordon - Don't smile so much. Great smile, but you look way too excited (borderline 'giggly') to be standing in front of a room of octogenarians.

Bobby T. - Don't look so "octogenarianish."

Mark Solomon - Stop screaming. Just because you start with your loud voice, that doesn't mean you have to commit to said decibel. Say two words, reevaluate, take pity on my ear drums, then continue at a more appropriate volume.

John DeMattia - Don't ask me if I am Maggie May ever again or I will cut you. (*Side note: HECK. NO. I am not Maggie May)

Scott Dunn - Get a stump speech. Practice it. Oooooow, better yet, steal Amir's. Next time it's your turn, mention how we're all taking a chance on a guy with a funny name and interesting/basic/simple haircut. It'll be awesome.

Laura - Don't wear dangly earrings. Email me later and I'll explain why.

Karl - Try jokes maybe?

Kendal - You're doing better....or at least tonight was better. Keep on keepin' on.

Denny - Got nothing for you. You're doing pretty awesome.

Steve - I would also like to see you steal Amir's stump speech. It's about time trade in the 4 "R's."

Diana - I, myself, am a former 'baby mama,' so I totally get the whole "custody" thing, but it's probably not the best idea to bring that up in front of a fairly conservative group of people. (I say this out of admiration -what you're doing for your grandbabies is awesome)

Amir - Get a new speech. Maybe talk about having a pig or being a bad driver or something. There's a lot of material just right there.

All that aside, I heard some good feedback as I was leaving. A number of residents expressed a genuine interest in the candidates and really seemed to appreciate how considerate they were of our time. In other words, way to keep it short and sweet you guys!

Being an a-hole on this blog is a privilege, not a right.

And in order to earn that privilege, I require that you sign your name to all the snide, little bull$#*! comments you leave on C&P.

Why? Because honestly, I'm sick of you amateur a-holes dumping all of your loser rage in my comment section and then running away like the sissy cowards you are.

Your life sucks, we get it. And you've probably already tainted your given name in every other (non-virtual) forum available, so now your left with nowhere to build up your dwindling self-esteem but on the webbernets.  Well, sorry to be the one to break it to you, but that makes you an even bigger loser, you pathetic turd. 

....You know why I get to say that? Because I'm the head a-hole in charge on here and I use my name. That's how you'll know who I am when you sit next to me at a forum or bump into me at a council meeting. You know, all the places you won't have the balls to be an a-hole to my face?

From now on, you leave a douchey comment and don't sign your name, it's getting deleted.

I don't get it....

Is Alan North like bringing a chain of Tommy Bahamas to Richardson or something?

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Owens Park Forum

Heard it was an awkward, awkward train wreck. Cannot wait to read Steger's rundown.

Anybody have a pic...

of Diana Clawson's yard sign? I heard they're up but I haven't seen them yet.

{UPDATE} Here it is! Very pretty....

Saturday, March 26, 2011

TXU Urban Tree Planting Day!

Click here to see more pictures from today's event (the sunny ones) and some from last year's too (the cloudy ones). Or should I say, click here to see a ridiculously number of pictures of my kids. Like seriously. Click through fast enough and it'll become stop motion animation.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Celebrity Doppelgängers...

Karl Voigtsberger
Scott Dunn
You see it?

And, IMO...
Mr.Belvedere as Denny

JJP/Reservation Forum

First of all let me just say....the Reservation/JJP forum was hot. And I don't mean that in an urban, Spring Valley corridor type of way. I mean that in a "dear God, why did I decide to wear my spanx tonight" type of way.

Aside from that though, this forum was a lot of fun...for me at least....because I got a bunch of new material out of it.

So let's begin...

As I walked up the path to Mohawk Elementary I noticed the Richardson SWAT team (not really, but kind of) detaining Cheri Duncan-Hubert at the door because she wanted to videotape the forum. *gasp!* Videotape! How dare she!?! Then people wouldn't have to put on their Spanx to come out and watch as they stacked up all twelve candidates like sardines in something reminiscent of an execution line all the while upping the thermometer to a pleasant 87 degrees!

But I digress, last year I remember taking quite a few pictures and even recording a few tidbits here and there at this very forum. Evidently though, this is a League of Women Voter's rule...but not a law, by any means, so it'll be fun to see what CDH does with this one.

As for the actual forum, and speaking, and fumbling over words -it was brilliant.

After the first question regarding the reenergizing of strip shopping centers, I was able to make some pretty solid (read as: awesome) premature judgements of each candidate.

They are as follows:

Bobby T: Speaks about 'the way it is and the way it was.'

William G: Speaks about 'the way he wishes it would be.'

Solomon:  Same thing as Bobby T. Kinda negative, but honest at the same time.  However, he spoke much more aggressively and louder than I have ever heard him speak in a council meeting. I'm used to the leaning back in his seat, seersucker Solomon.

DeMattia: Speaks from experience, as a business owner (yet, did not try to sell me any of his insurance, er, I mean, pizza).

Laura: Speaks from the perspective of a resident, mother, and involved citizen.

Karl: I just wrote down "train wreck"...not sure exactly what I meant by that. I'll look for more notes later...because I do remember him saying something profound about the city's debt at one point...

Kendal: Let me preface this by saying, I want to like him. I have no reason not to like him. He seems likable. However, after the first question, I wrote down "told a weird story...Bob Macy of the race."

(Bob Macy got elected though, so there's always hope)

Denny: Oh, I looooooove Denny! Can I just tell you how glad I am to see his pointy little ears again! Denny is funny, and has awesome comedic timing. A good councilperson that does not necessarily make....but as a blogger who's about to lose her Murphy-zingers, I will take any zingers I can get. Welcome back, Denny!

Amir: The thing that makes me the gayest for this fool* is that he doesn't waste his words. He speaks with substance and as a citizen I really appreciate that.

Diana: Speaks from the perspective of a city leader. I appreciate that too.

All in all, we have a good bunch competing to serve our city. Like I said, there were some that I really wanted to like and didn't so much, and then there were also a few that I didn't like *cough* DeMattia *cough* because maybe, perhaps they cornered me once at an anti-bond meeting, made fun of my name tag, and then aggressively interrogated me about the need for a new fire station, I dunno....yet, I ended up liking those people a lot.

Also, Diana Clawson evidently eats iron nails for breakfast. Couldn't go without mentioning that.

And, another point made tonight- we the citizens need to vote for our own mayor. period.

I agree with Solomon (who ironically disagrees with me on this issue), that it is only a "ceremonial position." And that is precisely why I don't think it should have the power in this city that it does. The "who are you going to vote for as mayor" question is ridic, and causes so much unnecessary descension. Time to do away with that.

As for other highlights, Denny made a joke about putting up a wall at Spring Valley, but I saw quite a few people (including myself) visualizing the instant improvement that would offer. Good joke idea, Denny. However, I also wrote down "Denny loves Mexicans" but I can't for the life of me remember what that was referring to. I wish we had a video. Oh, oh, wait, that just reminded me or what it was. Denny mentioned closed captioning of the council meetings and suggested we might translated them into Spanish to gain more citizen involvement. Gracias.

And, I have a feeling "diversity" is going to becoming the "transparency" of this election. Crazy thing is I called that 'trend' 2 months ago while on the phone with Amir talking about a totally different initiative, so obviously that's something this city is interested in incorporating. However, Diana toting herself as the 'diversity' we need is a bit of a stretch. A caucasian Christian woman vs. A whatever-Amir-is Muslim... I dunno. Vaginas are weird don't get me wrong, but Muslims are still weirder. So stick to your strengths Diana, you're an HOA prez...and that's not chop suey.

I think that about wraps up all the major highlights. We've got some awesome candidates this election season...What do y'all think?

Anything else stand out that I missed because my Spanx were asphyxiating me?

*meant in an urban, Spring Valley corridor way.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

*First* Forum Tonight @ 7pm

At Mohawk Elementary.

See you there!

Firefighter Endorsements-

Bob Townsend

Mark Solomon

Scott Dunn

Laura Maczka

Dennis Stewart

Steve Mitchell

Amir Omar

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

From Darrell Day...

"I had originally planned to NOT run for Place 3 because of my father-in-law's bone marrow cancer. My wife and I had a temporary bit of good news when his chemotherapy started well, and that gave us a false sense of hope... that's when Ginger gave me the "green light" to run. That's why I filed at the last minute.

But that has changed dramatically in the past week. Her father suffered a broken arm last week just changing a furnace filter, and it's become apparent that he has shrunk in height by 3 inches in the past two months. That has shown the rapidly degenerating state of his bones and his health.

Unfortunately, his disease is progressing much faster than we thought, and therefore Ginger asked last night that I bow out.

I've been encouraged and heartened by the outpouring of support that I've received in the past 10 days. The phone has been ringing off the wall from well-wishers who have been offering support and financial donations. There are no easy campaigns, but beating an unknown first-time candidate in a race for an open seat is as easy as they come. So, it pains me to drop out.

But Ginger has asked that I be there for her, and I will respect her wishes.

Darrell Day"

Darrell Day's Out

So, Congrats to Councilman Dunn!?!

Btw Dunn, I heard you advocated for 1 day a week trash pick-up during the FF interviews. Please reverse your stance on this before you become too Bobby T. on your newfound power.

The stink lines coming off of my residents would seriously reach all the way down Waterview to strangle you.


I'll tell you who at noon!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

What a day.....

Laura Maczka had her open house today and it seemed like EVERYONE was in attendance- and that was just within this first hour. More people were pouring in as I was leaving.

Some might speculate that it's because she's amazing, and while I'm inclined to agree, I also think it's because these were amazing...
Good thing I left my kids at home so I that didn't have to share my fudge-dipped-oreo-diabetes.

And while this picture doesn't do the crowd does do my potential next arch-nemisis in waiting Dave Peter's height justice. 
He's scary tall.
As for the un-fudge-dipped-oreo related highlights, I have to say getting pinned by Bobby T. as I walked through the door, made the list. I think this was some kind of tradition back during the turn of the century when he was in high-school, so I was honored.
Although later on when someone asked if I was with the Bobby T. campaign and I joked that "No, he just put this on me because he knows I'm not going to vote for him" ...ummmm, crickets.
Turns out there were either a lot of Bobby T. fans there or just fewer Destiny's dumb sarcastic sense of humor fans. 
or both.

Anyway, after Laura's open house, the whole fam was invited up to fire station #2 to check out the trucks and slides!
We had a ton of fun and Abrahm and I even got a date night out of it!

We didn't really Baby Moses our kids...yet. :)

From Noel...

Saturday, March 19, 2011

So, I'm kinda Bobby T. right now...

...yes, I did just change a noun into an adjective, so catch up.

Furthermore, I think this should be a thing from here on out. Also, I will probably delete this post early in the morning (assuming I wake up then), so consider yourself lucky to have viewed it.

Anyway, I just crashed the end of the firefighter's thing. It was....smokey...and bar-ish, and I heard from a lot of the candidates that it was good....and that they loved it...and that it was awesome, and that they love Americaandstuff...aaaaaand that the candidates are officially boring now because all they are going to say is really PC junk from here on out I dunno, richardsonrocksandwhatever.

Anyway, fire fighters on the other hand, are awesome. Noel should be the president of infinity. He saves people's lives everyday and it's way cooler than anything anyone's ever done ever, and also wine. So there.

In conclusion, firefighters. And America.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Upcoming Events....

FOR CANDIDATES-  Tonight's the firefighter's mixer!

Am I the only one who hopes a few of these candidates will really tie one on so Noel can get pics for me to blog about tomorrow? Oh, I am? Ok, fine, whatever, but don't act like you wouldn't LOOOOOOVE to see that happen.

Nothing's impossible...

I mean, Bobby T.'s going, right?

AND FOR RESIDENTS- Laura Maczka's Open House

If you don't already know Laura, you can stop by and meet her Sunday afternoon from 4-7 @ 301 Overcreek. And if you do already know her, come by for a yard sign and find out how you can help with her campaign, if you're so inclined.

*Bobby T. will also be drunk at this event.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Am I not doing enough drugs....

to have a clue what any of this is about?!?

This is only the 4th or 5th time I've been to Maggie May's blog, but I've become increasingly convinced this person is schizophrenic....and that I want to have my groceries delivered as not to accidentally run into them at Krogers and end up cubed in their freezer.

If they are not, and I've just gotten very unlucky all 5 times, please send me an example of the "normal" stuff.

Or just send me drugs so that I can play along.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Monday, March 14, 2011

HOLD UP----WHAT?!?!?



Someone please confirm whether or not this is true! Looks like it is!

Richardson Citizens Alliance

So it looks as though three of the RCA's founding members will be running for city council seats.



*pardon the rough sketch of Mr.DeMattia....btw, does anyone have a photo of that guy?

I KNOW A....

SECRET! --------------------->

....guess the secret's out now.

Abrahm Exposes Himself to Laura Maczka!

Or should I say *accidentally tries to* and *luckily fails.*

See, 6 days a week we are just like the rest of you classy Richardson folk, but on the seventh day we evidently rest back into our trailer park roots....

I had just gotten up from a nap, which for me looks something like horrific pink bed head, mascara smudged eyes and unbuttoned jeans (basic white trash style, right?). And as I walked into the living room I hear my son say "Hey mom, who is that?" as he points out our front window. I lean over to see Laura Maczka heading up our walkway and as I announce this fact I suddenly notice my husband is sitting IN OUR LIVING ROOM reading the newspaper in his underwear! (cherry on the WT cake)

His initial instinct is to fan out the paper in an attempt to cover his bareness, but he quickly realizes this looks even more questionable, so he jumps up an partially streaks across our living room to safe cover....or to get covered, whatever.

Anyway, I was still in a nap daze and could not control my laughter. Poor Mrs.Maczka. She said she saw nothing, but I'm pretty sure it would take an experience counselor to get the real story out of her.

So if you hear any wild tales about my husbands tail, just know that's only true on Sundays (for the most part).

*Sorry, that's the most menacing picture I could find of naked Abe. Surprisingly, I have none of him in his chonies. You'll just have to use your imagination.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

My article in today's DMN...

Disregard the title, it's for all pro-lifers, not just doctors (but for men especially).

Saturday, March 12, 2011

So this thing happened....

Ok, so this post seems stupid and scatterbrained and only makes sense to the handful of people who know what actually happened (of which I am not one) so I'm just gonna take it down.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Who is this Alan North guy?

He's running for Place 7, but no one's ever heard of him. I searched Facebook but all I found was this guy (who I'm hoping is just a big 'Full Metal Jacket' fan, and not the Alan North who's running).

Scott "Git 'R" Dunn is having an open house this Saturday

....and as it turns out, I'm afraid of commitment. Who knew!?

Mr.Dunn is a lovely fellow and I really enjoy getting lit with his wife, but I feel like it's just too early in the game to commit when it comes to place 3

I mean, what if John Wiley Price escapes to Richardson and moves in down the street from me? I'd have to be crazy not to vote for that crazy! Or what if Amir finds another funny-namer to run in that spot so that Richardson will finally get to live under Sharia Law?...'cause let's be honest, how else are we gonna get rid of Zone d' Erotica, right???***

Either way, the season's still young, and how embarrassing would it be to have to return a sign?  I'd rather wait until after filing to decorate my yard. Plus, if I pick up your sign and then later decide I don't like you, we all know what will happen...

***Take your heart pills, I'm joking! oy...
There's nothing funny about Sharia Law. However, Abrahm did make a hilarious joke about something called "Cherita Law" which he'd like to see instituted in honor of his girl Che-Che.

Monday, March 7, 2011

The Love Triangle

We all know I'm gay for Amir, but now Amir's TOTALLY gay for Jimmy. Thanks a lot Schnurr.
You friendship wrecker.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Listen up RC & RCA....

Not only are they better at removing morbidly obese people from their houses AND compiling tastefully awesome calendars but it looks like the Richardson Fire Fighters Association might also be trumping you when it comes to candidate endorsements.

First of all, they're hosting a mixer for the candidates and fire fighters on March 18th. And I dunno about you, but that's reason enough for me to pick up a packet. Secondly, they're inviting all candidates to sit down for a proper interview in front of their panel the following week.

That has credibility written all over it if you ask me. They're not just interviewing the people they want to or picking the individuals they "think" they should. No, they're listening to ALL of the candidates and making informed decisions.

Also, calendars. Y'all don't have that. Clarification: I don't WANT y'all to have that.

Could you even imagine what Chuck E would look like carrying a water hose....shirtless...and glistening?

You're welcome.