Thursday, March 31, 2011
Ok, so tonight I learned a bunch about my neighborhood, namely that it's not "smart" for me to leave my garage door "open" when I'm not "there." However, after returning home twice today to my back door wide open, I had kinda figured as much, but I digress.
After a presentation by Chief Spivey, the candidates had 60 seconds each to address the audience, at which point I started really focusing on their flaws (as I do with all people when I'm bored and forced to stare at them for prolonged amounts of time) and this is what I came up with...
William Gordon - Don't smile so much. Great smile, but you look way too excited (borderline 'giggly') to be standing in front of a room of octogenarians.
Bobby T. - Don't look so "octogenarianish."
Mark Solomon - Stop screaming. Just because you start with your loud voice, that doesn't mean you have to commit to said decibel. Say two words, reevaluate, take pity on my ear drums, then continue at a more appropriate volume.
John DeMattia - Don't ask me if I am Maggie May ever again or I will cut you. (*Side note: HECK. NO. I am not Maggie May)
Scott Dunn - Get a stump speech. Practice it. Oooooow, better yet, steal Amir's. Next time it's your turn, mention how we're all taking a chance on a guy with a funny name and interesting/basic/simple haircut. It'll be awesome.
Laura - Don't wear dangly earrings. Email me later and I'll explain why.
Karl - Try jokes maybe?
Kendal - You're doing better....or at least tonight was better. Keep on keepin' on.
Denny - Got nothing for you. You're doing pretty awesome.
Steve - I would also like to see you steal Amir's stump speech. It's about time trade in the 4 "R's."
Diana - I, myself, am a former 'baby mama,' so I totally get the whole "custody" thing, but it's probably not the best idea to bring that up in front of a fairly conservative group of people. (I say this out of admiration -what you're doing for your grandbabies is awesome)
Amir - Get a new speech. Maybe talk about having a pig or being a bad driver or something. There's a lot of material just right there.
All that aside, I heard some good feedback as I was leaving. A number of residents expressed a genuine interest in the candidates and really seemed to appreciate how considerate they were of our time. In other words, way to keep it short and sweet you guys!