Thursday, March 31, 2011

CHNA Meeting

First of all let me just say, if Barry Hand and Diana Clawson went on the road together they could give Charlie Sheen a run for his money. Between her eating "iron nails for breakfast" and his imploring the neighbors to "drink from the water hose of knowledge" they'd have a pretty awesome act. Do they teach these bizarre colloquialism at an annual HOA prez get together or something? If they do, I want in on it.

Ok, so tonight I learned a bunch about my neighborhood, namely that it's not "smart" for me to leave my garage door "open" when I'm not "there." However, after returning home twice today to my back door wide open, I had kinda figured as much, but I digress.

After a presentation by Chief Spivey, the candidates had 60 seconds each to address the audience, at which point I started really focusing on their flaws (as I do with all people when I'm bored and forced to stare at them for prolonged amounts of time) and this is what I came up with...

William Gordon - Don't smile so much. Great smile, but you look way too excited (borderline 'giggly') to be standing in front of a room of octogenarians.

Bobby T. - Don't look so "octogenarianish."

Mark Solomon - Stop screaming. Just because you start with your loud voice, that doesn't mean you have to commit to said decibel. Say two words, reevaluate, take pity on my ear drums, then continue at a more appropriate volume.

John DeMattia - Don't ask me if I am Maggie May ever again or I will cut you. (*Side note: HECK. NO. I am not Maggie May)

Scott Dunn - Get a stump speech. Practice it. Oooooow, better yet, steal Amir's. Next time it's your turn, mention how we're all taking a chance on a guy with a funny name and interesting/basic/simple haircut. It'll be awesome.

Laura - Don't wear dangly earrings. Email me later and I'll explain why.

Karl - Try jokes maybe?

Kendal - You're doing better....or at least tonight was better. Keep on keepin' on.

Denny - Got nothing for you. You're doing pretty awesome.

Steve - I would also like to see you steal Amir's stump speech. It's about time trade in the 4 "R's."

Diana - I, myself, am a former 'baby mama,' so I totally get the whole "custody" thing, but it's probably not the best idea to bring that up in front of a fairly conservative group of people. (I say this out of admiration -what you're doing for your grandbabies is awesome)

Amir - Get a new speech. Maybe talk about having a pig or being a bad driver or something. There's a lot of material just right there.

All that aside, I heard some good feedback as I was leaving. A number of residents expressed a genuine interest in the candidates and really seemed to appreciate how considerate they were of our time. In other words, way to keep it short and sweet you guys!


  1. Good input, Destiny. Scott Dunn continues to bumble and stumble, and what was that comment he made about the "Eaglettes"? No one understood anything he even said or meant. The folks I was sitting with just rolled their eyes as he spoke. Someone asked who Scott's opponent was, and we all responsed that he didn't have one. Crickets. I suspect that there are a lot of people who wished they had thrown their name in to Place 3, given the incompetance we have seen so far. I don't expect it to get much better.

  2. OK, it wasn't 'water hose'. Charlie Sheen? Sheesh. It was "come to the CPC meeting Tuesday night and hear the volumes of info on the West Spring Valley ReZoning application, and you will feel like you are drinking from a fire hose". Which is true. But still somewhat colloquial you are probably right. I didn't hear the "eating nails" comment as I was watching the stop watch, but I must say Diana's east Texas accent is priceless - in a nostalgic kind of way.

    All of the candidates did a great job of honoring the ground rules of the 60 second 'elevator speech' (another colloquial) which is good training for any candidate. Efficient way to see all candidates in 15 minutes. While it may seem like little mic time for some, many voters decide that quickly, and no doubt there are plenty of longer, formatted, issues based forums on the schedule from which to draw. I think the key is meeting people and building relationships anyway.

    Everyone seemed to have a good time tonight, room was packed, and no doubt we covered a lot of ground. Go Cottonwood Heights!

    Barry (I'm not sure how to post here with my name on the title, so someone call me and train me on the URL thing.)

  3. You could have said fire hose, maybe. But you definitely called it the "some-sort-of-hose or knowledge." I wrote it down because I loved it so much.

    And Diana's comment was actually made during the first forum.

    Go Cottonwood Heights indeed!

  4. Love this blog! Couldn't get to the meeting last night, so I had to live vicariously through you. And I think reading your blog was probably more fun than actually being there? :)

  5. OK, I can live with Laura, even though Slagel endorsed her, since her opponent seems to have had his funny bone surgically removed. And Amir's a sharp guy who has worked hard in his first term.

    But Solomon, Dunn and Hartley? The Three Stooges are the best that Chuck Eisemann can put out there this year? Really? Wooop wooop woooop wooop wooooop!